Colin and I delayed our honeymoon from September to December (we got married on September 15^th), so I have been in St. Lucia for the past week. We just got back yesterday, and today was my first day back at school. First day post-Sandy Hook.

I walked into my classroom today with a nervous pit in my stomach. All I could think about was the shooting last week. All I could picture in my head were the poor victim’s faces; those big smiles in the pictures we’ve all seen on the news, the photos of family members weeping and yellow tape around the school.

I am in graduate school this year getting my masters in early childhood education, so I am a student teacher in a kindergarten classroom. I received the warmest of welcomes today; hugs upon hugs upon hugs from my little ones. I heard, “I’m so happy you’re back!”, and “We missed you so much!” throughout the day. My heart broke every time.

I am a very, very sensitive person – maybe overly sensitive even. I’m totally okay with that at this point in my life. Anyway, I almost cried in school today multiple times. I could.not.stop.picturing.those.children, and comparing them to the ones sitting right in front of me, in our classroom. I wanted to scoop each one of them up and tell them that they will always be safe from harm’s way. That school is a safe place for them to come. I wanted to promise that nothing like what happened last Friday will ever happen again.

But can I say that? Can we consider schools a safe place anymore? In today’s world, where do we consider safe?

To be honest, I’m not sure. What I do know is that schools are supposed to be a safe, loving, nurturing, protected environment for children. Children should love coming to school – especially the little ones. They should NEVER have to worry about being in danger at school. But then something like this happens.

Our country needs to be honest with one another. We need to have open, intelligent conversations about what is wrong with America, what needs to change. Do we want to live in a country where teachers have to be trained like soldiers and keep guns in their classroom in case of an attack? Do we want to live in a world where police officers ride on buses to school with children? Where hospitals have people with big guns patrolling the halls? Where a priest has to be armed during a church service in case of someone coming in with a gun? Do we want to become so desensitized to guns and violence where seeing guns on a regular basis is the norm?

Is that the only way we will feel safe again – is to all carry guns?

I know, personally – with all my heart – that I do not want to live in a world like that. I’m not a mother, but I hope to be one one day. That’s not the world I want my future children to grow up in. That’s not the world I want my twenty precious five and six year old students to grow up in. Something must be done, and it’s obviously a combination of things among the topics of gun control, mental illness, and so forth.

I know the topic of gun control is a controversial one. But I also know that twenty young children have been killed, along with six adults. I know that these people were probably looking forward to the holidays; spending time with family and friends, waking up on Christmas morning to open presents under the tree. If the children of Sandy Hook Elementary were anything like my twenty students, they have probably been excited for Santa to come since Halloween. These children won’t get to open their presents this year, and the teachers and staff members who were killed won’t be able to cook for their families this holiday season, or sit and laugh with loved ones. My heart aches for them, and their families. I wish I could do something. I pray for them. I know this probably sounds bad, but I guess I wish I could do something more than just pray. I wish I could fix this horrible, terrifying situation. But I can’t.

As someone within the field of education, as someone who will hopefully continue to work with young children, and someone who hopes to have children one day, I will make a promise to the Sandy Hook victims and their families. I promise to teach children kindness. And what it takes to be a good person. I will show them compassion. I will teach them about honest and admirable people. I will encourage them to dream the biggest dreams possible. To hold on to their innocence, and enjoy being a carefree child. I will show them how to be a leader. I think being a nice, kind person, with a big heart has gotten me to a great place in my life. I will try to be the best role model I can be for my current and future students.

Social media has become an outlet for many things – fun and social interactions, news stories, personal updates, job networking, buying and selling things, finding a good restaurant, sharing your opinion, etc. Today being my first day back in school since the Sandy Hook shooting overwhelmed me with emotion. I enjoy writing as a source of dealing with, and processing my emotions. Feel free to comment here to do the same.

To the victims of the Sandy Hook tragedy, and their family members and friends they left behind – I am so, terribly sorry for all of this. Sincere thoughts and prayers are with you in the Temple household.

Be kind to one another. XO